once_upon_a_virusfandomcom-20200214-history
Troll Life
"Troll Life" is the 5th episode of Once Upon a Virus. Summary Following her promise that she'd find a way to "deal with" Joe, Valentina gets hard at work to make it look as though the new kid on the block is sexually harassing her. Meanwhile, Justine is dreading her engagement party and runs into a handsome stranger to whom she can vent, but the night may hold more than a few surprises. And in the Wikia world that was, DisneyMeerkats is miserable living life as a lonely, ugly con-troll, until it meets Reginafan2626 and gets swept off its feet... or so it wishes. Plot We are treated to a view of a lush cottage beneath the toll bridge of Storywik. Outside it, Valentina Cunning is setting up a camera up a ladder; after making sure the view of her bedroom is perfect, she sets it on a timer and runs inside. She rushes up the small flight of stairs and into her room, where she begins undressing. As she does so, the camera outside takes multiple pictures; some of her partially covered, others not. She smiles, putting on a robe and heading back outside, where she collects the camera. She is next seen sitting at her computer, going through the photos. "Beautiful and genius," she says of herself, "But mostly beautiful." A stunning beautiful woman in odd yet flattering blue robes is seen knocking on the door of a building which resembles an elaborate church. DeviousPeep answers, adorned in skimpy red, and says to the woman, "I was beginning to think you weren't coming… do you have it?" The woman smiles and opens the box in her hands, revealing a shining, golden ring. "Excellent," says Peep with an amazed smile on her face, "Do come in." The woman accepts the invitation and heads into the church, following Peep into a room where she pours two glasses of red wine. "You understand why I was hesitant, of course. It's not often that the Maidens of Middle-Earth want to trade favors with us Wiki Witches. So, it's genuine?" Peep asks. "Yes," the woman replies, "Forged in the heart of the Lord of the Rings Wiki itself, why don't you try it on?" "Don't mind if I do," says Peep, putting down her wine glass and taking the golden ring from the box; she places it on her finger. She frowns. "So, shall we discuss my payment?" the woman asks. "See, here's the thing… I don't pay for false goods. Nor do I reward frauds," Peep says. "What do you mean?" asks the woman. "If this were the real Ring of Charge, then I wouldn't be able to do this," the Blood Wiccan says, flaring heat into her hand and causing the ring to melt into a golden puddle on the floor. "Oh, my!" the woman exclaims, "Trust me when I say I had no idea—" "Save it. Like I said… I don't reward frauds." With that, Peep grips the beautiful woman by the throat and forces DisneyMeerkats to retreat into the grotesque troll it really is. "Trust me when I say the only reason you're not dead right now is because, quite frankly, you're too pathetic to kill. Now scuttle away, you ugly little urchin. It's home-time." And with that DisneyMeerkats suddenly finds itself falling from atop the bridge it lives under. It soon manages to grab part of the frame and swing to safety, proceeding to climb down to the bottom of the ditch and return to its shack. It clicks its fingers and transforms into the beautiful woman and looks at itself in the mirror, continuing to looks as it returns to its true form. It sighs, staring at its own hideous reflection. Valentina Cunning stares at her own reflection for a moment before climbing through the window of The Sword and Hammer, appearing in a back room. She peers her head out the door to make sure Joe is working at the bar, and proceeds up a flight of stairs to the apartment above. She takes Josh's extensive set of skeleton keys from out of her purse and uses them to unlock the door. When she's inside, she is met to the sound of Renato singing in the shower. She quickly makes herself into Joe's bedroom and takes the photographs from earlier from her purse, proceeding to place them beneath Joe's mattress. She smiles wickedly and leaves the room – she notices a laptop sitting on the coffee table. Making sure Rena won't be leaving the shower any time soon, she opens the laptop and heads to an email site. "Ugh," she says to herself, "Who doesn't check 'keep me signed in'? Jerk-ass." She shuts the laptop, but then she notices a slip of paper sitting beside it, one which bears Joe's email address and password (see "Welcome to Storywik"). Her wicked smile returns, but when she hears the shower go off, she quickly pockets the slip of paper and rushes out of the apartment, shutting the door behind herself. Over at their apartment, Ben and Justine are sitting on separate couches, watching television without talking. Ben suddenly grabs the remote and turns the TV off, and Justine turns her attention to her fiancé, wondering what's up. "You are… excited about our engagement party tonight, right?" he asks. Justine pauses, before coming out with, "Sure I am." Ben sighs, "Why are you always so blasé when it comes to our relationship?" "I'm not blasé, I'm excited, I just said so," she insists. "Well, then, why don't you tell your face?" She responds with a blank expression. "It's just…" he continues, "Sometimes it feels like we've been engaged for literally years, and you've never seemed to really… care." Justine stares at him for a moment. She then grabs the remote and turns the TV back on, and the unhappy couple continue watching it in silence. Back in Val's cottage, she is seen at her computer using the slip of paper she found at Joe and Rena's apartment; she types the information into the relevant website and is granted access. She smiles, and begins sending emails to herself from Joe's account. We see her fingers type quickly on the keyboard. Just as quickly as DisneyMeerkats scratches down information on a sheet of parchment with a quill in flashback. When it's done, the troll clicks its fingers and morphs into a spitting image of Reginafan2626, and it's next seen approaching a small house just outside the palace grounds. Disney knocks on the door, and a poor young couple answers. "Your majesty," they bow, and Disney hands them the sheet of parchment. "An eviction notice?" the man asks. "But we paid our dues just yesterday," says the woman. "Yes, well… I'm going to need you out. Immediately. This whole area is being cleared for an extension. You have until the end of this conversation to leave." "Can't we at least pack up our possessions first?" asks the woman, but "Reginafan2626" positions himself in a threatening way and utters, "Don't make me use my magic on you." The young couple run, screaming, and DisneyMeerkats smiles, returning to its true form with a click of its fingers once they're gone. It then take out its bigger-on-the-inside sack and begins stuffing inside every valuable possession in the house. It looks rather pleased with itself, until it catches its reflection in a golden goblet and its face teethes with anger. It throws the goblet to the ground, where it's zoomed in upon. A champagne glass clinks with another in Josh's office, and the Mayor asks his personal assistant what it is they're toasting to. "To the fact that I have found the best way ever to deal with OUR Joseph Kahn problem – I have set up everything to make it look as though he's been sexually harassing me." Josh looks impressed, "You have? How?" "Well, first I took some… compromising photos of myself and hid them in his apartment. And, while I was there, I found his email password. Now it appears as though our young friend has been threatening to rape me ever since he arrived," she explains. Josh smiles evilly, "That's what I love about you, Valentina. Never afraid to go the extra mile." He sips his champagne, and Valentina utters, "I'd do anything for you." "Hm?" "Nothing," she assures, and Josh asks if there's any more to her plan. "Well…" she delves, "There is one final stage… one which will cause him ultimate humiliation… but I'll need to use your daughter's party to do it." Josh raises an eyebrow. At the town hall, which has been reserved for that night's engagement party, Justine walks in and sighs as she watches the hired decorators get everything ready. She then spots Renato Smith, who's setting up the bar, and she approaches him. When he spots her in turn, he looks like he's about to melt, but he stays strong and tries his best not to collapse. "What are you doing here?" she asks politely, taking a genuine interest in this handsome stranger, and he explains that he's been hired to serve drinks for the night, adding that he works for his dad at the local bar, The Sword and Hammer. Justine nods, and Rena proceeds to ask, "And, um, what are you doing here, if you don't mind me asking? Only, it's a little early. The party doesn't start for a few hours." "Well," she says, "I said I was coming down here to supervise everything and make sure it's all going well… but, honestly? I just needed to get away from my fiancé for a while. He drives me nuts most of the time." Now it's Rena's turn to nod. "Oh, God," Justine then says, "Why did I just tell you that? I'm sorry, I hardly know you, I shouldn't be laying my problems on you." "It's okay," he assures her. "It's just, I saw you and… immediately, sort of… trusted you," she adds. The two of them stare into each other's eyes for a while, but soon snap out of it. "Hey," he says, "What are us bartenders here for if not someone to vent to?" She smiles, and sits down. "Well," she begins, "It's not just my fiancé; it's my father…" "Reginafan2626" knocks on the door to another house, again with a forged eviction notice in tow. The disguised DisneyMeerkats is answered by an old woman swathed in scarves, and she is humbled by the presence of the Bureaucrat, who hands her the notice. She looks at it with a shocked expression, saying that he can't possibly expect her to leave her home, but just as the impostor troll is about the reply, the old woman is blasted to smithereens. Behind her, the real Reginafan2626 stands, and he claps for the troll. "Well, well," he says, "It really is an excellent interpretation. I take it you're the one who's been making me so hated by the neighbourhoods around my castle?" "Y-yes… I'm sorry, your majesty," Disney says. "Oh, no need to apologize," he tells her, "I greatly admire your work. Really, I do. And, you can transform into anyone? Anyone at all?" Disney nods, clicking its fingers and becoming DeviousPeep. Reginafan smiles, and asks to see the troll's true form. A hesitant expression comes over Peep's face, but she soon clicks her fingers and becomes the hideous, vile creature that is DisneyMeerkats. "Wow," Reginafan2626 says, approaching it, "You are going to come in very useful to me." "Thank you for being so useful to me," Josh says to Valentina as the two of them stand at the party, for which the whole town is in attendance. "My pleasure," she assures him, and he proceeds to ask, in a lower register, when her plan is to be set in motion. "Not quite yet," she says, "But be patient. Soon," and she immerses herself in the crowd. Josh smiles and turns around, almost immediately bumping into Joe, who's serving drinks (along with Rena, who's elsewhere). "Mr. Mayor," he says with monotonic disdain, "I'm so sorry." "No trouble," Josh says cheerily, "Enjoy the party… if you can." He too immerses himself in the crowd, and Joe appears confused. "I'll have a drink," says a familiar voice, and Joe turns to see Natalia, in a beautiful dress. He offers her the tray in his hand and she takes a champagne glass from it, thanking him. "You look beautiful," he assures her. "Yes, well…" she says, "I'll look less beautiful in a few months when the Virus expires and turns me into a pile of blood, limbs and entrails." Joe rolls his eyes, "This again?" "Yes, this again," she presses, "You have to accept your destiny. You need to believe. If you don't… everyone here tonight is doomed." "Natalia…" "My name is Mary," she insists, "Use it." "Mary… this is insane." "No, what's insane is that you're allowing the entirety of this town to march right into the slaughter house!" she exclaims. Joe sighs, "If you're going to spend the rest of this party trying to convince me of an evil Virus and magical memories, then you should really go home." He walks away, and now it's her turn to sigh. Elsewhere in the party, Joanna, dressed in a skimpy, red, sparkling dress is seen approaching Josh. "Why, hello, Mr. Mayor," she greets, grabbing his attention, "Lovely party tonight." "Hello, Nurse Seer," Josh greets in return, "And thank you. How nice it is to know that this town's healthcare professionals know how to let loose and look like sluts." She chuckles, "And how nice it is to know that our tax dollars are being spent on extravagant albeit pointless get-togethers." He chuckles in turn, but the two of them soon separate, each with a look of hatred on their respective faces. As he walks away, he comes across Valentina, who's coming from the opposite direction. She stops him, smiles, and says, "I'm about to go through with it." "I can't believe I just went through with that," DisneyMeerkats says in flashback, "And got away with it!" "You were amazing," Reginafan tells it, staring down at the full sack of gold and badges it managed to collect. Alarms are heard blazing all around, but Reginafan quickly grabs his right-hand-troll and teleports he and it to his palace. "I was right," he says, "You have come in very useful to me. I must say, you're ability to transform into Bureaucrats so convincingly is astounding. Thanks to you, the Once Upon a Time Wiki is richer than ever. I do love having every other wiki's money." "Glad I could help," Disney says. "So tell me," Reginafan continues, "Do all trolls have this special ability?" "They did," Disney tells him, "But they're all gone now. Humans wiped them out decades ago. I'm the last of my kind." "Really?" Reginafan asks, "And you're sure there are no others hiding out there in the internet, in disguise?" Disney shakes its head, telling the Evil Bureaucrat that it's able to sense other members of its species; if there were any other trolls, it'd know. "How very tragic," Reginafan comments, and Disney finds itself smiling. "Still," he says, "I don't know where I'd be without you and your special talent." "Well," it says, "The real magic happens when I get particularly angry." "What happens when you get angry?" Reginafan wonders, but DisneyMeerkats tells him he wouldn't want to know; "You're the only person to have ever taken an interest in me or my heritage." It looks at him with love in its eyes. The same way Valentina looks at Josh, before turning her attention towards Joe and keeping her eyes on the prize. She taps Joe on the shoulder and takes a glass of wine from his tray, looking frantic. He looks at her, confused, and she says she has to show him something in the back room – and it's urgent. She runs off, and Joe continues looking confused. However, he follows her anyway, putting the tray down as he goes, curious to find out what it is she's up to. An important-looking man is seen following two treasurers into his wiki's bank, being the Bureaucrat of the establishment. "Thank you," he says to his employees, but he then clicks his fingers and becomes DisneyMeerkats, who denotes them as fools. It then moves quickly and snaps each of their necks with ease, proceeding to take out its magic sack and begin loading in gold and badges. Soon, however, alarms begin to sound, and Disney look annoyed. Sysop guards show up and it puts its hands up, but when they all get one look at the hideous troll, they all burst out with laughter. Disney looks incredibly hurt, and tears form in its eyes, which only makes them laugh more, howling at the ugly beast. But soon enough, Disney stops crying, and starts bearing its teeth. "You really shouldn't make me angry," it whispers to itself, "The real magic can happen when I'm angry. It gives my transformations that extra boost!" And with that, the troll begins growing. It becomes nine feet tall with even more disgusting skin, huge teeth and huge claws, as well as muscles atop muscles wherever muscles can be. This humongous ogre looks down at the guards, and smiles. They all look frightened out of their minds, but one of them bravely swings his sword at the monster. However, the sword bends upon contact with that now-impenetrable skin, and Disney picks the guard up and crushes him in its fist, turning him into a pool of pink/red paste. The others scream and try to escape, but Disney's arm suddenly stretches and shuts the door, locking them in. They look up at the giant beast, and it smiles, before transforming once more. This time, into a bigger-than-giant serpent; it gathers all the guards in its tree trunk of a tail. It squeezes, killing them all almost instantly, and proceeds to devour them using the elephant's trunk it's suddenly grown. When it's done, it shrinks back down into its normal troll form, and continues robbing the wiki blind. DisneyMeerkats is seen emerging from the wiki's palace a while later, where Reginafan2626 is waiting for it. "How's the haul?" the Evil Bureau asks. "Our best yet," Disney tells him. "Oh, my little troll," Reginafan says, "You truly are magnificent." Disney smiles. As does Valentina as she leads Joe into the back room of the town hall, filled with stacks of chairs and the like for things such as presentations and town meetings. "What is it you needed to show me?" Joe asks confused. Valentina then spills the glass of wine down her dress, and smashes said glass over her head, getting broken bits in her hair. "What are you doing?!" Joe exclaims, not knowing what on Earth is going on. "Isn't it obvious?" she asks, tearing the seams of her dress, "I'm getting attacked." "Wha—" She begins ruffling up her hair, cutting her hands on the small bits of glass as she does so and wiping the blood off in obvious areas. "Stop it!" he exclaims. "Hey, that's supposed to be my line," she jokes. He approaches her, but she continues wrecking her dress. He grabs her arms and holds them down by her sides. "You bruised my wrist!" she exclaims, "Why thank you." She then wriggles free and slaps him across the face, running from the room and into the party. She screams with absolute horror. The music stops, and everyone in attendance stares in confusion. Joe then emerges from the same room, and Val points at him with a scream, pretending to collapse in shock. Everyone gasps and wonders what's going on. "He… he attacked me!" she yells, tears streaming from her eyes, "He… he tried to rape me!" The gasps grow louder now, and everyone begins chattering. "I should've known it was coming!" she continues, "He's been threatening to do so ever since he arrived… and… and… he's been spying on me as I get changed… and… and… and tonight he tried to force me into submission!" The whole crowd is stunned, except for Joanna, who strokes her chin with curiosity. "This is absolutely ridic—" Joe tries, but Valentina screams again, cutting him off, begging for someone to get that monster away from her. The Mayor admires her showmanship. "Sheriff Knight!" Josh calls, stepping out, "Arrest this man!" he points at Joe. Liz, dressed up for the evening, is forced to reluctantly grab Joe's hands and place them behind his back. "I'm sorry," she whispers in his ear, "I've got no choice." And she proceeds to read him his Miranda rights. Joe is next seen being locked up in a dingy cell in the Sheriff's Station, the same one Renato Smith was recently locked up in after being accused of kidnapping Justine King. "Liz, this is a mistake, I did not rape Valentina!" Joe exclaims. "I know that," Liz says, "But I have to play by the book if you're to have any chance of being freed." "You know what a worm that bitch is," he adds, and Liz says she does – and that's how she knows she staged the whole thing; "If there's one person I wouldn't put something like this past, it's Valentina Cunning." He nods, and Liz tells him, "But for now… I'm afraid you're stuck here." Behind bars, Joe appears desolate. Category:Season 1 Category:Episodes Category:DisneyMeerkats-Centric